Anyone who says they don't play the texting game is lying. You know the one. It's when you're texting with someone you're interested in but one or both people are waiting to text back after a few minutes or hours instead of replying immediately. It's a tactical game of waiting to text someone back that keeps you on your toes.
Go to opentextingonline.com. Choose a destination country. Enter the phone number. If you wish to receive replies to your text message by email, please enter your email address. You can brainstorm your text (vs. Dirty talk in the moment). Sexting and texting can create intense sexual tension. It can be your “training wheels” for talking dirty (which most men do love as long as it’s genuine). Gives you time to construct your text (and not be under pressure in the moment).
In a dating world plagued with ghosting and zombieing, it’s not surprising people have built up their defenses to prevent getting hurt. It’s even less surprising that not texting back right away is one of the ways they do that. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, tells Elite Daily, “There is the perception that responding too quickly shows too much interest, too much 'desperation,' and too much need. Waiting conveys that you have other activities that are more pressing.” He continues, “This is truly a game and we never really know why someone waits to text back unless they tell us why they waited.”
It sucks to be the one waiting around for a text back, especially if you’re genuinely interested in someone. Waiting means you have too much time to think about all the possible reasons they might be temporarily ghosting you. Should you be worried when you haven’t heard back in some time? Klapow says, “It's all about patterns and circumstances. Is this a person who always takes a long time to respond? Do they typically go hours [or] days without a response? … A person who takes days to respond is a person who either doesn’t care enough about your message, is disorganized, or has so much going on that even instant communication isn’t possible with them.”
But what does it look like on the other end? Does the person you’re texting care about how long it takes you to text back? These responses might give a little insight.
Some people might start to worry.
Did they read it? Are they okay? They must think I'm bugging them too much. I should go do something else. Wait. Was that my phone? Nope. Okay. It's going to be okay. OH! THREE DOTS. THEY'RE TYPING. HIT SEND. ARE YOU WRITING ME A NOVEL?! WHAT. WHY DID THE DOTS DISAPPEAR. Did you drop your phone in the toilet?
— SleeplessInTheBay
Waiting to get a text back from the person you’re interested in is a big deal to some. According to Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, nationally honored psychotherapist and author of the new book Training Your Love Intuition, “there aren't any little questions at all when it comes to dating and relating.' In fact, it's understandable to fear not wanting to appear too desperate, or not wanting to give off the wrong impression of what physical intimacy you're ready for, or not wanting the other person think you're not interested in getting together, she says. 'This [texting] dilemma ... is an important communication decision about you, your feelings and situation, and respect for the other person.”
Not everyone cares that much, though.
I usually forget about it until my phone dings with a response.
— Why_Do_We_Fall_Bruce
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It could just be that the person you’re texting is busy. Dating coach and relationship expert James Preece previously told Elite Daily, 'Don't rush to conclusions if this is the first time it's happened. People do get busy and life can get in the way. Some people are just talkers rather than texters.”
Every person has a different idea about what’s normal.
I personally think she’s either busy or doesn’t want to seem to eager to reply. I have a friend who always thinks this means the girl's not interested in him, though. Meanwhile, I’m too focused on what her response will be as opposed to when it’ll be.
— Jason*, 28
A “normal” reaction really depends on the person who’s waiting on the text, not to mention the person who is sending (or not sending) the text to begin with. According to Wish, “Yes, there are emergencies, but for most people, the response comes within a day or two.” She says, “Use your judgment. You might even know that this person is going through tough times ... Not hearing back right away is not always about you.”
For others, it’s about the type of conversation.
I really don't like long drawn out conversations through text. If we're making plans, I'll respond immediately. If a girl likes to text me all day, I'll take my sweet time replying so that we never run out of things to talk about and I can still do things besides type on my phone all day.
— theonlybiscuitleft
Some people read too far into their texts.
Depending on the person, I'll criticise every word as being the reason they haven't responded yet.
— DropBearInDisguise
Waiting forever just isn’t fair to yourself, so if you need to reach back out, don’t feel bad about doing so. Wish says, “Text the person after a day or two and say something such as: ‘Are you OK? I worry when I don't hear back from friends. I hope I somehow did not upset you. If all is OK, just text me a quick emoji.’” That way you’re not putting too much pressure on either party.
It might not be about how long it takes to text back, what matters is that you answer eventually.
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I don't think about it at all. I don't really care as long as she replies eventually.
— Brent*, 22
Some people think a late reply means you’re not interested.
I pay attention to when a girl replies because too long and without a reason just feels like she's not into it.
— Anthony*, 26
Preece previously told Elite Daily, 'It's common to wait a period of time to reply in order to give the impression they are in demand and so, they don't come across as being too keen. The problem is when the other person takes equally as long to respond. This leads to a very stilted conversation that risks both parties losing interest.' Keep that in mind next time you’re waiting to send a response.
So much of getting to know someone new can feel like playing games. Whether it's how long you wait to text each other back or how many exclamation points you add, texting someone new can feel like one big mystery. Once you define the relationship with your partner, it can be relieving to feel like that weird tension is behind you, but that might not always be the case. If you find that they're still being unnecessarily weird over text, texting signals your partner's playing games can be glaringly obvious, and have the potential to make anyone feel insecure about their connection.
Turns out, there's a reason your partner may still be texting you as if you were still dating, and it has more to do with them than it does with you. 'If your partner is playing games, it may be a sign of their personal insecurities,' Claudia Cox, relationship coach and founder of Text Weapon, tells Elite Daily. 'It's not about you. It's not because you aren't exciting, attractive, or amazing enough. It's about them and their insecurities.'
According to Cox, if your partner has trust issues or is a self-professed commitment-phobe, playing games may be their way of not getting too connected to you or dealing with their own relationship fears. Although you may love your boo, you never need to put up with shadiness or miscommunication, IRL or on the phone. And if you feel your partner is being dishonest, you might want to communicate your fears to them directly before jumping to any conclusions.
If you're thinking your partner might be playing games, Cox breaks down the three texting signs to look out for.
1. It Feels Like They're Intentionally Not Replying
If you're constantly waiting to hear back from your partner, or they haven't replied to you but you know they're on their phone, it may be time for a check-in. 'Not texting or calling you back in a reasonable amount of time, even when they are obviously not busy, is something to look out for,' Cox says. You and your boo may have your own way of talking to each other, but if you're starting to feel ignored or uncomfortable, it's always OK to say so.
You and your partner certainly don't need to be texting every second of every day, but if you've been trying to reach them for a week and when you finally hear back, they pretend they haven't been leaving you on read, it may be time to chat. Cox shares that them dodging you for a while and then hitting you with a 'What's up?' text like nothing happened can also be a sign they're playing games. 'If you find someone being unnecessarily unresponsive, don't make excuses for their lack of good communication or politeness,' Cox says. 'Don't bother chasing them or over-analyzing their behavior.'
2. They're Making You Question Yourself
Texting is tricky because you have no idea how someone is saying whatever it is they're texting you. Although it's easy to misinterpret a message, if your partner always makes you feel bad about your texts or they completely twist your words around, it may be time to talk IRL.
'Look out for people who create drama by purposefully misinterpreting your texts,' Cox says. 'For example, if you send them a sweet, 'Good morning!' text message after not hearing from them for a few days and they respond with something passive-aggressive such as, 'Sorry, I don't have time to text you every five minutes, I've been really busy.' There's nothing more frustrating than having your words be misinterpreted. Although needing to clarify something can just mean your partner is confused about your tone, your partner intentionally making you question your words on a regular basis can be a sign you're not on the same page.
If you and your partner have different texting preferences, try talking in person about the ways you best communicate. You should never have to feel bad for being yourself or expressing your needs. 'Stop yourself from being dragged into their manipulative mind games,' Cox says. 'At a certain point, it gets boring.'
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3. They're Constantly Talking About Other People
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As iconic comedian and general queen Ali Wong will tell you, one of the best parts of having a partner is getting to gossip with them. But if your boo is constantly talking about their ex or generally trying to make you jealous, Cox says that it may be time to check in. Additionally, if your partner is 'always being vague about what they are doing or where the relationship is going,' Cox says that can also signal shady behavior.
Ultimately, when you're trying to build a real connection with someone, and you're being met with shadiness and vagueness, the best solution is to talk about it. 'Sometimes it hurts, but if someone really wants to talk to you, they will,' says Cox. 'And if they don't, they won't,' Cox says. 'You can't force communication or make someone like you.' If you find yourself questioning your partner's texting, try talking to them in person about it. You deserve someone who's going to be straight up with you all the time, IRL and on the phone.